Even the
strongest and happiest relationships
These efforts can weaken when minor, irritating habits remain unchecked. Over time, they accumulate gradually until their burden feels overwhelmingly heavy all at once.
When relationships conclude in such manner, former partners frequently dwell on the “final straw” that ended things.
psychotherapist
Having worked with more than 100 couples, I have witnessed personally how certain unaddressed behaviors can create rifts between partners.
Here are the five most common and annoying habits that I’ve seen destroy relationships:
1. Thinking that your partner understands what you’re thinking without telling them
Rather than openly communicating their requirements, numerous individuals assume their significant others can precisely discern what they need and when they require it. However, this approach readily sets you up for letdowns.
Psychologists call it the ”
illusion of transparency,
A mental shortcut where individuals believe that their feelings and wishes are clear to others, even though they actually aren’t.
And according to
research
Overestimating how much your partner understands your inner thoughts can be detrimental and result in feelings of resentment because open communication is crucial for building a robust and healthy partnership.
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In thriving relationships, both individuals establish an environment where they feel secure enough to openly share their requirements and desires without worry or embarrassment. Therefore, rather than assuming your significant other will understand indirect hints, clearly communicate what you expect from them: “I would really appreciate it if you could help with the dishes this evening.”
2. Keeping score
Good relationships can swiftly become unpleasant when partners begin keeping track of each other’s kind acts and mistakes. When either or both individuals “maintain a scoreboard,” the partnership soon becomes a contest—and unfortunately, someone often ends up feeling inadequate.
Research
indicates that monitoring who does what in a partnership – be it tasks, kindnesses, or sacrifices – often leads to feelings of debt. Consequently, this can reduce mutual affection.
gratitude
.
This quid-pro-quo mindset frequently leads to a relationship based on transactions; acts of kindness turn into tools for achieving personal goals, thus losing their genuine essence. Actually, though, offering help without anticipating reciprocation is the most effective approach to establish a mutual, affectionate connection.
3. Passive-aggressive behavior
Passive-aggressive behavior
This method surely conveys displeasure towards a partner without addressing the issue at hand. Think of a scenario where your significant other is unhappy with you and decides to show this by pulling back emotionally or giving offhand remarks.
Although it might not be immediately obvious,
research
indicates that passive-aggressive actions frequently reveal underlying discontent and bitterness, issues that should not be overlooked in a romantic partnership.
It not only causes pain and bewilderment but also traps partners without any path to progress. In the absence of an honest, straightforward discussion regarding the issue, there’s little hope for addressing it constructively.
4. Micromanaging their life from the back seat
Frequently receiving instructions on managing your work, interests, or relationships can make you feel both dominated and patronized. Nobody appreciates unwanted counsel, let alone wanting to be seen as though they’re under someone else’s control, particularly within their personal connections.
Relationship contentment drops sharply when a couple begins to resemble a parental relationship, particularly as soon as offering assistance turns into constant interference. Crossing the boundary from providing useful input to delivering harsh critique tends to happen more swiftly than one might expect. As stated
research
, this may result in reduced relationship contentment.
The crucial part you have as a teammate is knowing when to share your thoughts and, even more essentially, recognizing when it’s your duty just to back them up.
5. Listening with the intention to reply
One of the biggest lapses in judgment a companion can commit is listening solely to formulate their subsequent reply instead of genuinely engaging with what is being said.
actively listening
.
And if you’re not learning, discovering, or immersing yourself in understanding what your partner is genuinely expressing,
research
It suggests that appearing arrogant might be more common than being helpful. In the most content relationships, partners listen to each other aiming for comprehension rather than merely offering their opinions.
How should one deal with pesky habits?
Should any of these behaviors resonate a bit too closely with you, don’t worry. There’s still hope for improvement, and your partnership isn’t irreparably damaged.
Building relationships requires effort, and this effort typically begins when you pause to reflect, inhale deeply, and opt for an alternative path ahead. Hence, should you notice yourself falling into such behaviors, or maybe feeling irritated by your significant other displaying these traits: Discuss it openly, acknowledge it, then make another attempt.
Often, what damages a partnership isn’t the routine behavior itself, but the unwillingness to adapt it.
Jourdan Travers
, LCSW, serves as a psychotherapist and clinical director at
Awake Therapy
She works with a telehealth firm offering online therapy, counseling, and coaching services. Additionally, she assists in managing a widely recognized platform focused on mental health and well-being.
Therapytips.org
Jourdan earned her Master of Social Work degree from The University of Maryland and completed her Bachelor of Arts in Psychology at California State University Northridge.
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