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I’m looking for guidance on how to deal with someone I can’t stand. He’s not just my coworker; he also has his desk right beside mine. Throughout the day, all I hear from him is endless talk about golf, complaints about his “annoying” spouse, terrible opinions on politics, and inappropriate remarks about our female colleagues—who seem visibly uneasy whenever he speaks to them.
To make matters worse, his work style drives me crazy. Frequently, he insists on scheduling impromptu group meetings precisely as I’m trying to wrap up for the evening so I can go home and be with my loved ones—whom I genuinely enjoy spending time with.
None of his actions are significant enough to require a conversation with human resources, yet I genuinely fear working alongside him on assignments. What can I do about this situation?
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Boasting a professional journey encompassing roles in sales, marketing, recruitment, and personnel growth, Isobelle Panton has become widely recognized as the go-to “Corporate Agony Aunt.”
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On these pages, she attracts over 120,000 combined followers who tune in for her straightforward career guidance. Isobelle portrays herself as “your go-to older sibling in business” and “the mentor many organizations lack.” Known for delivering candid, pragmatic, and occasionally hard-hitting realities amidst all the chatter, she aims to demystify career advancement, making it feel more within reach for everyone.
Your emotions are entirely legitimate — it’s normal for us to encounter coworkers we don’t mesh well with at work. This is indeed a topic I frequently address across my social platforms.
It brings back the memory of an encounter I had with something quite eerie,
inappropriate boss
When I initially finished school, I traveled with him constantly, which made his behavior increasingly bothersome for me. Since it was his venture, he was the sole individual I felt comfortable voicing my concerns to. Eventually, realizing there was no way to improve things, I decided to move on from the situation altogether.
Ever since then, I’ve likely gone through something similar at least ten additional instances. Often, the most prudent action is simply safeguarding your inner calm; this becomes simpler with age and increased self-assurance about your values and boundaries. Despite our efforts to excel, we cannot always manage those surrounding us—thus, even though it might seem unjust, it could prompt you to seek alternatives elsewhere.
Set some “quiet” boundaries
However, don’t fret; plenty of actions can be taken beforehand regarding how you conduct yourself and engage with your coworker. Begin by establishing clear yet unobtrusive limits. One discreet hint could involve wearing headphones without actually listening to anything, indicating that you prefer solitude over casual conversation—something many of us feel pressured into during our time at the workplace. Nonetheless, opting out is an option. Seeking alternative areas where you can work might prove beneficial as well.
Using my standard response has consistently helped me dodge unwanted discussions at work. Whenever someone starts prattling on about their golf outings or family matters, I simply reply, “I’m under an extremely tight deadline—let’s talk later.” This approach might encourage them to realize that you’re not interested in engaging in those kinds of talks. The more they encounter this excuse from you, the likelier they may be to stop bothering you with such topics.
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Concerning his practice of holding end-of-day team meetings that do not seem to match your preferences and those of yours.
family commitments
Simply refuse to accept the meeting; otherwise, it implies that it’s fine to continually ask for more of your time, which will only encourage him further. Instead, offer constructive alternatives such as suggesting different available slots for the following day or proposing a brief phone conversation or an emailed response during your commute, provided you’re comfortable with that arrangement. Often we view calendar invitations as mandatory when they aren’t truly compulsory—our time belongs solely to us. Hence, declining a last-minute invitation sent at 5 pm is entirely justified.
Offering your coworker the advantage of the doubt, it might simply be that they feel most efficient and clear-headed towards the end of the day, allowing them to tackle important duties and strategize future actions effectively. It could be helpful for you to actively propose alternative approaches as well.
I understand why you’d feel apprehensive working on projects with this individual. You could possibly discuss with your manager the possibility of getting involved in tasks that encourage greater teamwork across various departments. Additionally, bringing up a shift in desk placement to your boss might work since you express an interest in learning from and engaging with others; gently point out that the present setup tends to cause some distractions during conversations.
Stick to what is inappropriate for the workplace.
It starts getting complicated as we explore his more contentious views. Right, everybody has the right to their own opinion.
political views
, however, I genuinely struggle when individuals loudly advocate for ideas that directly clash with my beliefs and values.
I believe that an increasingly divided political atmosphere is causing more individuals to express their opinions openly. It was ingrained in me from early on that discussing politics isn’t suitable for casual dinner conversations, and this holds even truer in professional settings since everyone has significant stakes involved regarding their career progression and financial stability.
The next time a coworker goes off on a political tangent, try responding humorously with something along the lines of, “I’m not certain this is suitable workplace conversation!” When delivered with the right amount of wit, it won’t provoke further conflict but will make them reconsider their choice of words.
Keep records
of his comments
Although you state that he hasn’t taken any actions deserving attention from human resources just yet, your description of “offensive remarks made towards younger female colleagues” has raised some concerns for me.
This is when you might be venturing into HR issues, so I’d suggest documenting these remarks preemptively. Should you ever require proof, you’ll have it ready. Keep track of instances where comments about the women become inappropriate or upsetting to others—note down the exact dates, times, specifics, and witnesses involved. Jot them down as notes on your mobile device. This way, should situations escalate, you won’t risk self-gaslighting or doubting exactly how events unfolded, which could lead to concerns over getting someone dismissed unnecessarily.
Therefore, possessing that resource should provide you with some safeguard and tranquility, in case anything happens in the future.
I wouldn’t necessarily require, however, that you take action to defend these women, since it varies based on your stage in your career and your comfort level with potential conflicts. Early in my own career, I certainly did not get involved in such scenarios when I had the chance, as job security was paramount to me at that time. The thought of jeopardizing or potentially losing my position over principles wasn’t something I could entertain back then.
However, as I age and advance in my career, there’s absolutely nothing that can stop me from speaking up if I hear something wrong.
inappropriate
So although I won’t dictate your actions here, if you could follow up with the individual who received the comment afterward, you can feel good about making an effort.
Consider what this reveals about your organizational culture.
If your coworker’s behavior becomes extremely problematic and affects your perception of the work environment, I would also suggest that altering a culture that tolerates such actions can be quite challenging. Given that company leaders might value his decade-long service, significantly shifting their opinion regarding him will likely require substantial effort.
Occasionally, the simplest path is to seek out something fresh—even though you might perceive it as unfair since you haven’t committed any wrongdoing. However, do you truly wish to remain in a place where such conduct is permitted to thrive?